i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
Randomize
