a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
Four minutes until I can fart!
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
Of course I'm hard in the pics. If there's a chance that these pictures will cause a scandal later in my life I at least want my dick to look it's biggest
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
Randomize
