she woke up with a sticky ear
ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
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