my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
It's no shave November. This is our time.
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
Randomize
