I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
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