i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
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