you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
Randomize
