I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
I'm thinking we should try to start remembering stuff we do. Althought I kinda like feeling like Nancy Drew the next morning.
More like the Hardy Boys cause its kinda like a team effort.
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize
