Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
Randomize
