a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
Randomize
