The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
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