I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
Randomize