In America we eat man semen.
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize
