You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
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The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
She bit a glass in half.
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
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Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
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