Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
Randomize
