i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
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