when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
He literally asked permission to hit on me
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