My friends, they love my intelligence
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
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