Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
tonight lets celebrate not being married
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
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