mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
Randomize
