i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
Randomize
