Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
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