i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
Randomize
