Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
Randomize
