Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
Zip lining have a big frozedn drink with 151 rum chippendale pic life is GREAT
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
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