Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
yes i saw that this morning. it was my mailbox.
i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
Randomize
