DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
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