is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
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Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
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i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
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