And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
Randomize
