she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
Randomize
