you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
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