Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
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