dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
smell my finger.
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
Randomize
