Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
Ok if you are accepting my apology, please continue to ignore me. If you are not, please fill out the brief survey that follows, to help me improve my people relations: a) your a bitch please leave me alone b)your crazy pls leave me alone c) I never cared ab u please leave me alone. D) all of the above e) all of the above but I wouldn't mind still fucking u. F) who are you again? Your answer will not b shared and will b used in accord. With the law. TY
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
Randomize
