its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
I got her a Nickelback box set.
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
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