really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
writing the newer testament. It's the 3rd for the series. I'll update u the rule changes later.
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
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