Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
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