my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
God, you're like boner-b-gone
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
Randomize
