you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
Randomize
