I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
my nick name has gotton too long over the years..C.T.P.S.G.F.P.G.......cock tease private school groupie frat party groupie.
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
Randomize
