woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
You ruined the universe
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
Randomize
