Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
Randomize
