Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
Randomize
