i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
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