dude i'm inner monologue high
True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
even my farts smell like vagina
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
she pinky promised me she was 18
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
Randomize
