she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
Randomize
