After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
Randomize
