i wish semen tasted like chocolate
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
PS: I just woke up from my shower
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
Randomize
