I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
Randomize
