you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
Randomize
