after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
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