I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
Randomize
