Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
Everclear isn't food dammit
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
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