he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
Just heard "Kiss Me Though the Phone" for the first time. Amazed how it took Soulja Boy two songs to become a shitter version of Ja Rule.
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
Randomize
