Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
her facebook's as public as her vagina
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
3pm strippers are depressing
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
Randomize
