he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
Randomize
