Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize
