he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
Randomize
