Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
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