Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
Randomize
