So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
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