Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
He felt like a one man threesome
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
Verdict: uncircumcised.
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