I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
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