I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
Randomize
