dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
Randomize