He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
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