I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
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