just saw a prosititute with a baby stroller...question is...if the baby wakes up is the blow job free?
she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
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