you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
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