It doesn't matter if they shave you or not, you're still susceptible to the staph infection.
Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high
The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
Randomize
