Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
I almost masterbated to the avatar love scene ha it was so hot
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
Randomize
