I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
Never let your siblings swipe right.
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
Randomize
