it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
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