just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
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