you would pick up someone in the library
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
Randomize
