im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
