I hope mine doesn't look like that
worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
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